Sink or Swim?

Why are so many motivational quips stated using polar opposites? Now or never. Do or die [jeez…]. Sink or swim. Sure, they have merit but I believe there is room for a middle ground here. Perhaps a bit of dreaming in between doing and death. Or maybe a good nap in between now and never. And, of course, one will always start doggie-paddling before they sink!

I have always been a decisive person. I tend to go all in once I’ve made up my mind - except when it comes to jumping into water [past-life trauma??]. When I was about nine years old, I convinced myself that I was going to jump off the high diving board that year. I nervously waited in line with the rest of the excited kids at the pool, then cautiously climbed the ladder seeing the ground become increasingly farther away. I got to the top feeling the subtle movement of the board beneath my feet and changed my mind. I couldn’t do it and so began my descent back down the ladder embarrassed by my cowardice.

Fast forward to a boat cruise in Ha Long Bay, Vietnam last year where ten or so people decided to jump off and swim to the nearby shore and I vowed to redeem my inner child. Most went off the 10 foot deck while a few courageous ones took the leap from 20 foot stern. Then there was me, silently trying to motivate myself to simply jump off the side (for reference, this was about 5 feet). I wanted to so badly but my feet refused to move. So I told my partner to push me off - which he did [perhaps too willingly…hmm].

Once my head emerged from the water, I was my nine-year-old self again, paralyzed by the distance of that shore. My breaths were rapid and I felt myself sinking until I heard those who’d already crossed the water encouraging me to keep going. So while I didn’t sink, I definitely wasn’t swimming; I’d say I made my way across via a combination of dog-peddling and flailing. Crawling onto the shore, I shared my journey like someone who had survived a near-death experience. And then I realized I still had to swim back. Ugh…

I’m telling y’all this to say that sometimes you will have to accomplish your goals somewhere in the middle ground. Don’t be afraid to let a loved one give you a little nudge. Don’t worry about making mistakes and perhaps looking a bit silly. Just keep going!

How does this apply to making art? Well, as I am writing this, I am looking at one painting that I finally finished a pattern in perspective after painstakingly restarting, smudging out, changing my mind, and restarting once again. While another challenges me from across the room, seemingly emerging in some organic fashion of which I’m no longer sure that I am in control. I have been in - am currently in (and most likely will be again) - the middle ground.

In Art & Solidarity,

Marla